An adoption story is a very personal way to share with your child, or children, how they came to be part of your family. It is a time to remember the special moments that made them yours, and also help explain why they might look different from their siblings or parents.
Children are naturally self-absorbed and love to hear about themselves. They can handle a lot more information than we might assume, but it is important to keep in mind that what they may understand and be able to process can change as they get older. It is also important to note that omitting the truth from children can actually cause more harm than not telling them at all. This is because children’s brains center themselves in their understanding of the world. This means that they will fill in any holes that you may have left with their own imaginations, which could be much worse than what really happened.
Adoptive parents should be prepared to answer questions about their child’s birth parents, as well. Some of this information is private, such as medical details and fertility treatments, so if you aren’t comfortable sharing these with others outside of your adoption triad, it is okay to gently let them know that it is not appropriate for them to ask.
It is also helpful for adopted children to learn that they are not obligated to answer every question about their adoption, especially from people who are not in their adoption triad. If someone is asking in a rude or insensitive manner, let them know that it is their choice to answer or not, and that they should feel free to say no.